Book XII, chapter 17: Sundry charms for divers purposes

CHAP. XVII. Sundry sorts of Charms tending to divers Purposes; and first, certain Charms to make Taciturnity in Tortures.

IMparibus meritis tria
Pendent Corpora ramis
Dismas & Gestas,
In medio est Divina Potestas,
Dismas damnatur,
Gestas ad astra levatur:

Englished by Abraham Fleming:

Three Bodies on a bough do hang,
For merits of Inequality,
Dismas and Gestas, in the midst
The Power of the Divinity.
Dismas is damnd, But Gestas lifted
up above the Stars on high.

Also this, Eructavit cor meum verbum bonum, veritatem nunquam dicam Regi. Otherwise, As the milk of our Lady was luscious to our Lord Jesus Christ; so let this torture or rope be pleasant to mine arms and members. Otherwise, Jesus autem transiens per medium illorum ibat. Otherwise, You shall not break a bone of him.

Counter-charms against these and all other Witchcrafts, in the saying also whereof Witches are vexed, &c.

ERuctavit cor meum verbuus bonum, dicam cuncta opera mea regi. Otherwise, Domine labia mea aperies, & os meum annuntiabit veritatem. Otherwise, Contere brachia inqui rei, & lingua maligna sulvertatur.

A Charm for the chin Cough.

TAke three sips of a Chalice, when the Priest hath said Mass, and swallow it down with good Devotion. &c.

For corporal or spiritual Rest.

In nomine Patris, up and down,
Et Filii & Spiritus sancti, upon my Crown,
Crux Christi upon my Breast,
Sweet Lady send me eternal Rest.

Charms to find out a Thief.

THe means how to find out a Thief, is thus; Turn your face to the East, and make a Cross upon Chrystal with Oil Olive, and under the Cross write these two words (Saint Helen.) Then a Child that is innocent, and a chaste Virgin born in true Wedlock, and not base begotten, of the age of ten years, must take the Chrystal in his hand, and behind his back, kneeling on thy knees, thou must devoutly and reverently say over this Prayer thrice; I beseech thee my Lady S. Helen, Mother of King Constantine, which didst find the Cross whereupon Christ died: by that holy devotion, and invention of the Cross, and by the same Cross, and by the joy which thou conceivedst at the finding thereof, and by the love which thou bearest to thy Son Constantine, and by the great goodness which thou dost alwayes use, that thou shew me in this Chrystal, whatsoever I ask or desire to know, Amen. And when the Child seeth the Angel in the Chrystal, demand what you will, and the Angel will make answer thereunto. Memorandum, that this be done just at the Sun-rising, when the weather is fair and clear.

Cardanus derideth these and such like Fables, and setteth down his judgement therein accordingly, in the sixteenth Book De rerum var. These Conjurers and Coseners forsooth, will shew you in a Glass the Thief that hath stoln any thing from you, and this is their order. They take a Glass-vial full of holy Water, and set it upon a linnen cloth, which hath been purified, not only by washing, but by sacrifice, &c. On the mouth of the Vial or Urinal, two Olive-leaves must be laid across, with a little Conjuration said over it, by a child; to wit thus, Angele bone, Angele candide, per tuam sanctitatem, meam q; virginitatem, ostende mihi furem: with three Pater nosters, three Aves, and betwixt either of them a Cross made with the nail of the Thumb upon the mouth of the Vial; and then shall be seen Angels ascending and descending as it were Motes in the Sun-beams. The Thief all this while shall suffer great torments, and his Face shall be seen plainly, even as plainly I believe, as the Man in the Moon. For in truth, there are toyes artificially conveyed into glass, which will make the water bubble, and devices to make Images appear in the bubbles, as also there be Artificial Glasses, which will shew unto you that shall look thereinto, many Images of divers Forms, and some so small and curious, as they shall in favour resemble whomsoever you think upon. Look in John Bap. Neap. for the confection of such glasses. The subtilties hereof are so detected, and the mysteries of the glasses so common now, and their cosenage so well known, &c. that I need not stand upon the particular confutation hereof. Cardanus in the place before cited reporteth, how he tried with children these and divers circumstances, the whole illusion, and found it to be plain knavery and cosenage.

Another way to find out a Thief that hath stoln any thing from you.

GO to the Sea-side, and gather as many pebles as you suspect persons for that matter; carry them home, and throw them into the fire, and bury them under the threshold, where the parties are like to come over. There let them lie three days, and then before sun-rising take them away. Then set a Porrenger full of water in a circle, wherein must be made crosses every way, as many as can stand in it; upon the which must be written, Christ overcometh, Christ reigneth, Christ commandeth. The Porrenger also must be signed with a Cross, and a form of Conjuration must be pronounced. Then each stone must be thrown into the water, in the name of the suspected. And when you put in the stone of him that is guilty, the stone will make the water boil, as though glowing iron were put thereinto. Which is a meer knack of legierdemain, and to be accomplished divers wayes.

To put out the Thiefs eye.

REad the seven Psalms with the Letany, and then must be said a horrible prayer to Christ, and God the Father, with a curse against the Thief. Then in the midst of the step of your foot, on the ground where you stand, make a circle like an eye, and write thereabout certain barbarous names, and drive with a Coopers Hammer or Addes into the midst thereof a brazen nail consecrated, saying, Justus es Domine, & justa judicia tua. Then the Thief shall be bewrayed by his crying out.

Another way to find out a Thief.

STick a pair of Sheers in the rind of a Sieve, and let two persons set the top of each of their Forefingers upon the upper part of the Sheers, holding it with the Sieve up from the ground steadily, and ask Peter and Paul whether A. B. or C. hath stoln the thing lost, and at the nomination of the guilty person, the Sieve will turn round. This is a great practice in all Countries, and indeed a very bable. For with the beating of the pulse some cause of that motion ariseth, some other cause by the slight of the fingers, some other by the wind gathered in the Sieve to be staid, &c. at the pleasure of the holders. Some cause may be the imagination, which upon the conceit at the naming of the party, altereth the common course of the pulse, as may well be conceived by a Ring held steadily by a thred betwixt the finger and the thumb, over or rather in a goblet or glass; which within short space will strike against the side thereof so many strokes as the holder thinketh it a clock, and then will stay: the which who so proveth shall find true.

A Charm to find out or spoil a Thief.

OF this matter, concerning the apprehension of Thieves by words, I will cite one Charm, called S. Adelberts curse; being both for length of words sufficient to weary the Reader, and for substantial stuff comprehending all that appertaineth unto blasphemous speech or cursing, allowed in the Church of Rome, as an Excommunication and Inchantment.

Saint Adelberts Curse or Charm against Thieves.

BY the Authority of the Omnipotent Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, and by the holy Virgin Mary Mother of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the holy Angels and Archangels, and S. Michael, and S. John Baptist, and in the behalf of S. Peter the Apostle, and the residue of the Apostles, and of S. Stephen, and of all the Martyrs, of S. Sylvester, and of S. Adelbert, and all the Confessors, nd S. Alegand, and all the holy Virgins, and of all the Saints in Heaven and Earth, unto whom there is given power to bind and loose: we do excommunicate, damn, curse, and bind with the knots and bands of Excommunication, and we do segregate from the bounds and lists of our holy Mother the Church, all those Thieves, Sacrilegious persons, ravenous Catchers, Doers, Counsellers, Coadjutors, male or female, that have committed this theft or mischief, or have usurped any part thereof to their own use. Let their share be with Dathan and Abiran, whom the Earth swallowed up for their sins and pride, and let them have part with Judas that betrayed Christ, Amen: and with Pontius Pilat, and with them that said to the Lord, Depart from us, we will not understand thy wayes; let their Children be made Orphans. Cursed be they in the Field, in the Grove, in the Woods, in their Houses, Barns, Chambers, and Beds; and cursed be they in the Court, in the Way, in the Town, in the Castle, in the Water, in the Church, in the Churchyard, in the Tribunal-place, in Battel, in their Abode, in the Market-place, in their Talk, in Silence, in Eating, in Watching, in Sleeping, in Drinking, in Feeling, in Sitting, in Kneeling, in Standing, in Lying, in Idleness, in all their Work, in their Body and Soul, in their five Wits, and in every Place. Cursed be the fruit of their Wombs, and cursed be the fruit of their Lands, and cursed be all that they have. Cursed be their Heads, their Mouths, their Nostrils, their Noses, their Lips, their Jaws, their Teeth, their Eyes and Eye-lids, their Brains, the roof of their Mouths, their Tongues, their Throats, their Breast, their Hearts, Bellies, their Livers, all their Bowels, and their Stomach. Cursed be their Navels, their Spleens, their Bladder. Cursed be their Thighs, their Legs, their Feet, their Toes, their Necks, their Shoulders. Cursed be their Backs, cursed be their Arms, cursed be their Elbows, cursed be their Hands, and their Fingers, cursed be both the Nails of their hands and feet; cursed be their Ribs and their Genitals, and their Knees, cursed be their Flesh, cursed be their Bones, cursed be their Blood, cursed be the Skin of their Bodies, cursed be the Marrow in their Bones, cursed be they from the Crown of the Head to the sole of the Foot: and whatsoever is betwixt the same, be it accursed; that is to say, their five Senses, to wit, their Seeing, their Hearing, their Smelling, their Tasting, and their Feeling. Cursed be they in the holy Cross, in the Passion of Christ, with his five Wounds, with the effusion of his Blood, and by the milk of the Virgin Mary. I conjure thee Lucifer, with all thy Souldiers, by the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, with the Humanity and Nativity of Christ, with the Vertue of all Saints, that thou rest not day nor night, till thou bringest them to destruction, either by drowning or hanging, or that they be devoured by wild Beasts, or burnt, or slain by their Enemies, or hated of all men living. And as our Lord hath given Authority to Peter the Apostle, and his Successors, (whose place we occupy, and to us (though unworthy) That whatsoever we binde on Earth, shall be bound in Heaven: and whatsoever we loose on Earth, shall be loosed in Heaven; so we accordingly, if they will not amend, do shut from them the Gates of Heaven, and deny unto them Christian Burial, so as they shall be buried in Asses Leaze. Furthermore, cursed be the ground wherein they are buried, let them be confounded in the last day of Judgement, let them have no conversation among Christians, nor be houseled at the hour of Death, let them be made as dust before the face of the wind: and as Lucifer was expelled out of heaven, and Adam and Eve out of Paradise; so let them be expelled from the day-light. Also let them be joyned with those, to whom the Lord saith at the Judgment, Go ye cursed into everlasting fire, which is prepared for the Devil and his Angels, where the worm shall not die, nor the fire be quenched. And as the candle, which is thrown out of my hand here, is put out; so let their works and their soul be quenched in the stench of Hell-fire, except they restore that which they have stoln, by such a day: and let every one say, Amen. After this must be sung In media vita in morte sumus, &c.

This terrible curse with Bell, Book, and Candle added thereunto, must needs work wonders: howbeit among Thieves it is not much weighed, among wise and true men it is not well liked, to them that are robbed it bringeth small relief: the Priests stomach may well be eased, but the goods stoln will never the sooner be restored. Hereby is bewrayed both the malice and folly of Popish Doctrin, whose uncharitable impiety is so impudently published, and in such order uttered, as every sentence (if opportunity served) might be proved both heretical and diabolical. But I will answer this cruel curse with another curse far more mild and civil, performed by as honest a man (I dare say) as he that made the other, whereof mention was lately made.

So it was, that a certain Sir John, with some of his company, once went abroad a jetting, and in a Moon-light Evening robbed a Millers Weir and stole all his Eels. The poor Miller made his moan to Sir John himself, who willed him to be quiet; for he would so curse the Thief, and all his Confederates, with Bell, Book and Candle, that they should have small joy of their Fish. And therefore the next Sunday, Sir John got him to the Pulpit, with his Surplice on his back, and his Stole about his neck, and pronounced these words following in the audience of the people.

All you that have stoln the Millers Eeles,
Laudate Dominum de Coelis;
And all they have consented thereto,
Benedicamus Domino.

Lo (saith he) there is sauce for your Eeles my Masters.

Another Inchantment.

CErtain Priests use the hundred and eighth Psalm as an Inchantment or Charm, or at leastwise saying, that against whomsoever they pronounce it, they cannot live one whole year at the uttermost.