Discourse, Book I, chapters 23–28: Popish provincial gods; feigned apparitions confuted

CHAP. XXIII. Of divers Gods in divers Countries.

THe Aegyptians were yet more foolish in this behalf than the Romans (I mean the Heathenish Romans that then were, and not the Popish Romans that now are, for no Nation approacheth near to these in any kind of Idolatry.) The Aegyptians worshipped Anubis in the likeness of a Dog, because he loved Dogs and hunting. Yea they worshipped all living creatures, as namely of Beasts, a Bullock, a Dog, and a Cat; of flying Fowls, Ibis (which is a Bird with a long bill, naturally devouring up venemous things and noisome Serpents) and a Sparrow-hawk: of fishes they had two gods; to wit, Lepidotus piscis, and Oxyrinchus. The Saitans and Thebans had to their god a Sheep. In the City Lycopolis they worshipped a Woolf; in Herinopolis, the Cynocephalus; the Leopolitans, a Lyon; in Laetopolis, a Fish, in Nilus called Latus. In the City Cynopolis, they worshipped Anubis. At Babylon, besides Memphis, they made an Onion their god; the Thebans, an Eagle, the Mendeseans, a Goat; the Persians, a Fire called Orimasda; the Arabians, Bacchus, Venus, and Diasaren; the Boeotians, Amphyaraus; the Africans, Mopsus; the Scythians, Minerva; the Naucratits, Serapis, which is a Serpent; Astartes (being as Cicero writeth the fourth Venus, who was she, as others affirm, whom Solomon worshipped at his Concubines request) was the goddess of the Assyrians. At Noricum, being a part of Bavaria, they worship Tibilenus; the Moores worship Juba; the Macedonians, Gabirus; the Poenians, Uranius; at Samos, Juno was their god; at Paphos, Venus; at Lemnos, Vulcan; at Naxos, Liberus; at Lampsack, Priapus with the great genitals; who was set up at Hellespont to be adored. In the Isle Diomedea, Diomedes; at Delphos, Apollo; at Ephesus, Diana was worshipped. And because they would play small game rather than sit out, they had Acharus Cyrenaicus, to keep them from Flies and flie-blows; Hercules Canopius, to keep them from Fleas; Apollo Parnopejus, to keep their cheeses from being Mouseaten. The Greeks were the first, that I can learn to have assigned to the gods their principal Kingdoms and Offices: as Jupiter to rule in Heaven, Pluto in Hell, Neptune in the Sea, &c. To these they joyned, as assistants, divers Commissioners; as to Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, Venus, Mercury, and Minerva: to Neptune, N[…]reus, &c. Tutilina was only a mediatrix to Jupiter, not to destroy Corn with Thunder or Tempests, before whom they usually lighted Candles in the Temple, to appease the same, according to Popish custom in these dayes. But I may not repeat them all by name, for the gods of the Gentiles were by good record, as Varro and others report, to the number of thirt thousand, and upward. Whereby the reasonable Reader may judge their superstitious blindness.

CHAP. XXIV. Of Popish Provincial gods; a comparison between them and Heathen gods; of Physical gods; and of what Occupation every Popish god is.

NOw if I thought I could make an end in any reasonable time, I would begin with our antichristian gods, otherwise called Popish idols, which are as rank Devils as Dii Gentium, Gods of the Gentiles, spoken of in the Psalms: or as Dii Montinum, Gods of the Mountains, set forth and rehearsed in the first Book of the Kings: or as Dii Terrarum, or Dii Populorum, Gods of the Earth or of People, mentioned in the second of the Chronicles, 32. and in the first of the Chronicles, 16. or as Dii Terrae, Gods of the Earth, in Judges 3. or as Dii filiorum Seir, Gods of the sons of Seir in the second of the Chronicles, 25. or as Dii Alieni, Strange Gods, which are so often mentioned in the Scriptures.

Surely, there were in the Popish Church more of these in number, more in common, more in private, more publike, more for lewd purposes, and more for no purpose, than among all the Heathen, either heretofore, or at this present time: for I dare undertake, that for every Heathen Idol I might produce twenty out of the Popish Church. For there were proper Idols of every Nation: as S. George on Horseback for England, (excepting whom, there is said to be no more Horsemen in Heaven save only S. Martine) S. Andrew for Burgundie and Scotland, S. Michael for France, S. James for Spain, S. Patrick for Ireland, S. David for Wales, S. Peter for Rome, and some part of Italy. Had not every City in all the Popes Dominions his several Patron? As Paul for London, Denis for Paris, Ambrose for Millen, Loven for Gaunt, Rombal for Mackline, S. Mark's Lion for Venice, the three Magitian Kings for Cullen, and so of other? Yea, had they not for every small Town, and every Village and Parish (the names whereof I am not at leisure to repeat) a several Idol? As S. Sepulchre, for one; S. Bride, for another; S. Alhallows, All-Saints, and our Lady for all at once: which I thought meeter to rehearse, than a bed-roll of such a number as are in that predicament. Had they not he-Idols and she-idols, some for men, some for women, some for beasts, some for fowls? &c. Do you not think that S. Martin might be opposed to Bacchus? If S. Martin be too weak, we have S. Urbane, S. Clement, and many other to assist him. Was Venus and Meretrix an Advocate for Whores among the Gentiles? Behold, there were in the Romish Church to encounter with them, S. Aphra, S. Aphrodite, and S. Maudline. But insomuch as long as Meg was as very a whore as the best of them, she had wrong that she was not also canonized, and put in as good credit as they: for she was a Gentlewoman born; whereunto the Pope hath great respect in cannonizing of his Saints. For (as I have said) he cannonizeth the rich for Saints, and burneth the poor for Witches. But I doubt not, Magdalen, and many other godly women are very Saints in Heaven, and should have been so, though the Pope had never cannonized them; but he doth them wrong, to make them the Patronesses of Harlots and strong Strumpets.

Was there such a Traitor among all the Heathen Idols, as S. Thomas Becket? Or such a whore as S. Bridget? I warrant you S. Hugh was as good a Huntsman as Anubis. Was Vulcan the Protector of the Heathen Smiths? Yea forsooth, and S. Euloge was Patron for ours. Our Painters had Luke, our Weavers had Steven, our millers had Arnold, our Traitors had Goodman, our Sowters had Crispine, our Potters had S. Gore with a Devil on his shoulder, and a Pot in his hand. Was there a better Horseleech among the gods of the Gentiles than S. Loy? Or a better Sowgelder than S. Anthony? Or a better Toothdrawer than S. Apolline? I believe that Apollo Parnopeius was no better a Ratcatcher than S. Gertrude, who hath the Popes Patent and commendation therefore. The Thebans had not a better Shepherd than S. Wendeline, nor a better Gissard to keep their Geese than Gallus. But for Physick and Surgery, our Idols exceed them all. For S. John, and S. Valentine excelled at the Falling-evil. S. Roch was good at the Plague, S. Petronill at the Ague. As for S. Margaret, she passed Lucina for a Midwife, and yet was but a Maid; in which respect S. Marpurge is joyned with her in Commission.

For mad men, and such as are possessed with Devils, S. Roman was excellent, and Fryer Ruffine was also prettily skilful in that Art. For Botches and Biles, Cosmus and Damian; S. Clare for the Eyes, S. Apolline for Teeth, S. Job for the Pox. And for sore Breasts S. Agatha was as good as Ruminus. Whosoever served Servatius well, should be sure to lose nothing: if Servatius failed in his office, S. Vinden could supply the matter with his cunning; for he could cause all things that were lost to be restored again. But here lay a straw for a while, and I will shew you the names of some, which exceed these very far, and might have been cannonized for Arch-Saints; all the other Saints or Idols being in comparison of them but bunglers, and bench-whistlers. And with your leave, when all other Saints had given over the matter, and the Saints utterly forsaken of their servitors, they repaired to these that I shall name unto you, with the good consent of the Pope, who is the fautor, or rather the Patron of all the Saints, Devils, and Idols living or dead, and of all the gods save one. And whereas none other Saint could cure above one disease, in so much as it was idolatry, folly I should have said, to go to Job for any other malady than the Pox; nothing cometh amiss to these. For they are good at any thing, and never a whit nice of their cunning: yea greater matters are said to be in one of their powers, than is in all the other Saints. And these are they: S. Mother Bungie, S. Mother Paine, S. Feats, S. Mother Still, S. Mother Dutton, S. Kytrell, S. Ursula Kemp, S. Mother Newman, S. Doctor Heron, S. Rosimund a good old Father, and divers more that deserve to be registred in the Popes Kalender, or rather the Devils Rubrick.

CHAP. XXV. A Comparison between the Heathen and the Papists, touching their excuses for Idolatry.

ANd because I know, that the Papists will say, that their Idols are Saints, and no such Devils as the gods of the Gentiles were: you may tell them, that not only their Saints, but the very Images of them were called Divi. Which though it signifie gods, and so by consequence Idols or Fiends: yet put but an (l) thereunto, and it is Divil in English. But they will say also that I do them wrong to gibe at them; because they were holy men and holy women. I grant some of them were so, and further from allowance of the Popish Idolatry imployed upon them, than grieved with the derision used against that abuse. Yea even as Silver and Gold are made Idols unto them that love them too well, and seek too much for them: so are these holy men and women made Idols by them that worship them, and attribute unto them such honour as to God only appertaineth.

The Heathen gods were for the most part good men, and profitable members to the Common-wealth wherein they lived, and deserved fame, &c. in which respect they made gods of them when they were dead; as they made Devils of such Emperours and Philosophers as they hated, or as had deserved ill among them. And is it not even so, and worse, in the Common-wealth and Church of Popery? Doth not the Pope excommunicate, curse, and condemn for Hereticks, and drive to the bottomless pit of Hell, proclaiming to the very Devils, all those that either write, speak, or think, contrary to his idolatrous doctrin? Cicero, when he derided the Heathen gods, and inveighed against them that yielded such servile honour unto them, knew the persons, unto whom such abuse was committed, had well deserved as civil Citizens; and that good fame was due unto them, and not divine estimation. Yea the Infidels that honoured those gods, as hoping to receive benefits for their devotion imployed that way, knew and conceived that tke Statues and Images, before whom with such reverence they poured forth their Prayers, were stocks and stones, and only pictures of those persons whom they resembled: yea they also knew, that the parties themselves were creatures, and could not do so much as the Papists and Witchmongers think the Rood of Grace, or mother Bungie could do. And yet the Papists can see the abuse of the Gentiles, and may not hear of their own idolatry more gross and damnable than the others.

CHAP. XXVI. The conceit of the Heathen and the Papists all one in Idolatry; of the Council of Trent; a notable story of a Hangman arraigned after he was dead and buried, &c.

BUt Papists perchance will deny, that they attribute so much to these Idols as I report; or that they think it so meritorious to pray to the images of Saints as is supposed; affirming, that they worship God, and the Saints themselves, under the forms of Images. Which was also the conceit of the Heathen, and their excuse in this behalf; whose eyesight and insight herein reached as far as the Papistical distinctions published by Popes and their Councils. Neither do any of them admit so gross Idolatry, as the Council of Trent hath done, who alloweth that worship to the Rood that is due to Jesus Christ himself; and so likewise of other Images of Saints. I thought it not impertinent therefore in this place to insert an example taken out of the Rosarie of our Lady, in which Book do remain (besides this) ninety and eight examples to this effect: which are of such authority in the Church of Rome, that all Scripture must give place unto them. And these are either read there as their special Homilies, or preached by their chief Doctors. And this is the Sermon for this day verbatim translated out of the said Rosarie, a Book much esteemed and reverenced among Papists.

A certain Hangman passing by the Image of our Lady, saluted her, commending himself to her protection. Afterwards, while he prayed before her, he was called away to hang an offendor; but his Enemies intercepted him, and slew him by the way. And lo a certain holy Priest, which nightly walked about every Church in the City, rose up that night, and was going to his Lady, I should say, to our Lady-Church. And in the Church-yard he saw a great many dead men, and some of them he knew, of whom he asked, What the matter was, &c. who answered, That the Hangman was slain, and the Devil challenged his soul, the which our Lady said was her: and the Judge was even at hand coming thither to hear the cause, and therefore (said they) we are now come together. The Priest thought he would be at the hearing hereof, and hid himself behind a tree; and anon he saw the judicial seat ready prepared and furnished, where the Judge, to wit, Jesus Christ, sate, who took up his mother unto him. Soon after the Devils brought in the Hangman pinnioned, and proved by good evidence, that his soul belonged to them. On the other side, our Lady pleaded for the Hangman, proving that he at the hour of death commended his soul to her. The judge hearing the matter so well debated on either side, but willing to obey (for these are his words) his mothers desire, and loath to do the Devils any wrong, gave sentence that the Hangmans soul should return to his body, until he had made sufficient satisfaction; ordaining that the Pope should set forth a publick form of Prayer for the Hangmans soul. It was demanded, who should do the errand to the Popes Holiness? Marry quoth our Lady, that shall yonder Priest that lurketh behind the tree. The Priest being called forth, and injoyned to make relation hereof, and to desire the Pope to take the pains to do according to this decree, asked by what token he should be directed. Then was delivered unto him a Rose of such beauty, as when the Pope saw it, he knew his message was true. And so, if they do not well, I pray God we may.

CHAP. XXVII. A Confutation of the Fable of the Hangman; of many other feigned and ridiculous Tales and Apparitions, with a reproof thereof.

BY the tale above mentioned you see what it is to worship the Image of our Lady. For though we kneel to God himself, and make never so humble Petitions unto him, without faith and repentance it shall do us no pleasure at all. Yet this Hangman had great friendship shewed him for one point of courtesie used to our Lady, having not one dram of faith, repentance, nor yet of honesty in him. Nevertheless, so credulous is the nature of man, as to believe this and such like fables: yea, to discredit such stuffe, is thought among the Papists flat heresie. And though we that are Protestants, will not believe these toyes, being so apparently Popish: yet we credit and report other appearances, and assuming of bodies by souls and spirits; though they be as prophane, absurd, and impious as the other. We are sure the holy Maid of Kent's Vision was a very cosenage: but we can credit, imprint, and publish for a true possession or history, the knavery used by a cosening varlot at Maidstone; and many other such as that was. We think souls and spirits may come out of Heaven or Hell, and assume bodies, believing many absurd tales told by the Schoolmen and Romish Doctors to that effect: but we discredit all the stories that they, and as grave men as they are, tell us upon their knowledge and credit, of souls condemned to Purgatory, wandering for succour and release by Trentals and Masses said by a Popish Priest, &c. and yet they in probability are equal, and in number far exceed the other.

We think that to be a lye, which is written, or rather fathered upon Luther; to wit, That he knew the Devil, and was very conversant with him, and had eaten many bushels of Salt, and made jolly good cheer with him; and that he was confuted in a desputation with a real Devil about the abolishing of private mass. Neither do we believe this report, That the Devil in the likeness of a tall man, was present at a Sermon openly made by Carolostadius; and from this Sermon went to his house, and told his son that he would fetch him away after a day or twain, as the Papists say he did indeed, although they lie in every point thereof most maliciously. But we can believe Platina and others, when they tell us of the appearances of Pope Benedict the eight, and also the ninth; how the one rode upon a black Horse in the Wilderness, requiring a Bishop (as I remember) whom he met, that he would distribute certain money for him, which he had purloined of that which was given in Alms to the poor, &c. and how the other was seen a hundred years after the Devil had killed him in a Wood, of an Hermite in a Bears-skin, and an Asses-head on his shoulders, &c. himself saying that he appeared in such sort as he lived. And divers such stuffe rehearsed by Platina.

Now because S. Ambrose writeth, that S. Anne appeared to Constance the daughter of Constantine, and to her Parents, watching at her Sepulchre: and because Eusebius and Nicephorus say, That the Pontamian Virgin, Origen's Disciple, appeared to S. Basil, and put a Crown upon his head, in token of the glory of his martyrdom, which should shortly follow: and because Hierome writeth of Paul's appearance; and Theodoret, of S. John the Baptist; and Athanasius, of Ammons, &c. many do believe the same stories and miraculous appearances to be true. But few Protestants will give credit unto such shameful fables, or any like them, when they find them written in the Legendary, Festival, Rosaries of our Lady, or any other such Popish Authors. Whereby I gather, that if the Protestant believe some few lyes, the Papists believe a great number. This I write, to shew the imperfection of man, how attentive our ears are to hearken to tales. And though herein consists no great point of faith or infidelity; yet let us that profess the Gospel take warning of Papists, not to be carryed away with every vain blast of doctrine; but let us cast away these prophane and old Wives fables. And although this matter have passed so long with general credit and authority; yet many grave Authors have condemned long since all those vain Visions and Apparitions, except such as have been shewed by God, his Son, and his Angels. Athanasius saith, That souls once loosed from their bodies, have no more society with mortal men. Augustine saith, That if souls could walk and visit their friends, &c. or admonish them in sleep, or otherwise, his Mother that followed him by Land and by Sea would shew her self to him, and reveal her knowledge, or give him warning, &c. But most true it is that is written in the Gospel: We have Moses and the Prophets, who are to be hearkened unto, and not the dead.

CHAP. XXVIII. A Confutation of Johannes Laurentius, and of many others, maintaining these fained and ridiculous Tales and Apparitions, and what driveth them away: of Moses and Elias appearance in Mount Tabor.

FUrthermore, to prosecute this matter in more words; if I say that these Apparitions of Souls are but knaveries and cosenages; they object that Moses and Elias appeared in Mount Tabor, and talked with Christ, in the presence of the principal Apostles; yea, and that God appeared in the bush, &c. As though Spirits and Souls could do whatsoever it pleaseth the Lord to do, or appoint to be done for his own glory, or for the manifestation of his Son miraculously. And therefore I thought good to give you a taste of the Witchmongers absurd opinions in this behalf.

And first you shall understand, that they hold, That all the souls in heaven may come down and appear to us when they list, and assume any body saving their own; otherwise (say they) such souls should not be perfectly happy. They say, That you may know the good souls from the bad very easily: For a damned soul hath a very heavy and sowre look; but a Saints soul hath a cheerful and a merry countenance; these also are white and shining, the other cole black. And these damned souls also may come up out of Hell at their pleasure; although Abraham made Dives believe the contrary. They affirm, That damned Souls walk oftenest: next unto them the souls of Purgatory; and most seldom the souls of Saints. Also they say, That in the old Law souls did appear seldom; and after dooms-day they shall never be seen more: in the time of grace they shall be most freequent. The walking of these souls (saith Michael Andr.) is a most excellent argument for the proof of Purgatory; for (saith he) those souls have testified that which the Popes have affirmed in that behalf; to wit, that there is not only such a place of punishment, but that they are released from thence by Masses, and such other satisfactory works; whereby the goodness of the Mass is also ratified and confirmed.

These heavenly or purgatory souls (say they) appear most commonly to them that are born upon Ember-dayes, and they also walk most usually on those Ember-dayes; because we are in best state at that time to pray for the one, and to keep company with the other. Also they say, That souls appear oftenest by night; because men may then be at be at best leisure, and most quiet. Also they never appear to the whole multitude, seldom to a few, and most commonly to one alone; for so one may tell a lye without controlment. Also they are oftenest seen by them that are ready to die; as Trasilla saw Pope Foelix; Ursine, Peter and Paul; Galla Romana, S. Peter; and as Musa the maid saw our Lady; which are the most certain appearances credited and allowed in the Church of Rome: Also they may be seen of some, and of some other in that presence not seen at all; as Ursine saw Peter and Paul, and yet many at that instant being present could not see any such sight, but thought it a lye; as I do. Michael Andraeas confesseth, That Papists see more Visions than Protestants; he saith also, That a good soul can take none other shape than of a man; marry a damned soul may and doth take the shape of a Black-moor, or of a Beast, or of a Serpent, or specially of an Heretick. The Christian signs that drive away these evil souls, are the cross, the Name of Jesus, and the relicks of Saints; in the number whereof are Holy-water, Holy-bread, Agnus Dei, &c. For Andrew saith, That notwithstanding Julian was an Apostate, and a betrayer of Christian Religion; yet at an extremity, with the only sign of the Cross, he drave away from him many such evil spirits; whereby also (he saith) the greatest diseases and sicknesses are cured, and the sorest dangers avoided.